Having said that, 2007 was a good time for me to go all-out, because it was a fucking amazing movie year. I’ve been adamantly going to the theaters since I was a kid, and this was one of those awesome planet-aligning times when all your favorite filmmakers have something coming out, and a new army of promising new talent is right there with them. It was amazing to look at the Oscar nominations and see how much actual quality was represented compared to the last few years. How insane is it when pitch-perfect movies by the the Coen Bros. and Paul Thomas Anderson have to go head to head? Thanks largely to those two, this was a year full of wonderfully depressing, gritty pseudo-Westerns that signify an exciting new trend of studios being more open to dark, non-commercial material that reflects the fear and unrest of current times. 3:10 to Yuma, Assassination of Jesse James, Sweeney Todd, Zodiac, and the Mist join Blood and Country’s method of pairing A-list talent and agreeable budgets with screenplays as far removed from fairy-tale endings as you could imagine, and most of them even made a bundle. It was also a great year for more personal, ultra-stylized projects like Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Persepolis, and the Darjeeling Limited, and of course it was an amazing comedy year thanks largely to the continued reign of Mr. Apatow and his equally hilarious pupils. But I think most of all, and sort of in contrast to the first group, it was just an insanely fun time at the movies. Grindhouse, Shoot ‘Em Up, and Hot Fuzz are among the top theatrical experiences of my life, and they represent a sort of thrill-ride anarchy that I hope makes a mark on the future of cinema, even if their box office returns were disappointing. Basically, there was just a whole lot to love in 2007, and I rarely had to go a week without wriggling in excitement over some upcoming presentation that completely failed to let me down. I liked so many movies that I had to constantly expand my top ten list to 15, then 25, then 50, and I still can’t believe some of the great movies that didn’t quite make the cut.

Click on the title for my full original review, if you give a damn.

1. The Darjeeling Limited
Why It’s On the List: Wes Anderson seems to keep losing fans as he rolls along, but I think he’s just tightening his niche and making deeper, more personal film that unfortunately seem to alienate anyone that wants their comedy and their drama jammed down their throat. Darjeeling is as bright and beautiful as his other films, but his new co-writers bring a new element of near-caustic sadness, mingling with his usual doe-eyed whimsy to create what I find to be his most powerful film yet, one that repeatedly makes me involuntarily choke up, laugh, and smile. To anyone who argues that “nothing happens” here, I have to counter with a dumbfounded “What the fuck DOESN’T happen?” Three lost, insecure, dynsfunctional men come to terms with the first year of the accidental death of their father, they confront their irrensponsible mother and the many abandonment issues they all have because of her (to the point where one is considering ditching his unborn child), they save two children’s lives only to watch the third die, they deal with constant rejection, their unsuccessful, disappointing lives, and the lonely, hopeless, suicidal shells they’ve immersed themselves in because of them, and all the resulting anger that comes with it. And it’s all as hilarious as it is heartwrenching, but on that note, Mr. Anderson’s humor has never been for everyone. If you don’t understand why it’s funny to bring a laminating machine on a faux religious journey, then please stop watching this man’s movies so the backlash can fizzle out and I can just enjoy some damn perfect filmmaking without screaming at everyone in its defense.

Why It’s #1: Why am I putting this movie above two of the safest choices of the year? Well, to state the obvious, it’s a matter of personal taste. From the moment I finished watching Rushmore in a 1998 multiplex, Wes Anderson has been my all-time favorite filmmaker. The dude knows what I likes, so obviously this is the most attractive, most fascinating, most pitch-perfect film of the year for me. Maybe it’s just that I’m on the same emotional wavelength as his detached, clueless characters, but each of his films have a certain way of ripping me right open and laying my insides bare. The idiosynchracies of these three brothers and the mistakes they make are cringe-worthy because of how much I recognize them, but at the same time, it makes their triumphs resonate even more.

2. No Country for Old Men
Why It’s On the List: Because the Coen Brothers are back with a vengeance. I can’t think of many careers that have seen a rebirth of this magnitude. After a moderately amusing remake and a middling romantic comedy, Joel and Ethan go back to their dusty, violent roots and create one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s not just scary because of Javier’s Bardem’s bone-ass-chilling baddie and a Hitchcock-worthy handle on suspenseful editing… It’s also the infinitely wise, shockingly bleak vision of what’s to come. A lot of this surely comes from Cormac McCarthy’s novel, but either way, it’s clear that these oddball masters are back on their A-game, driving a cold. hard blast of air into the moviegoing public and reminding everyone that nobody coaxes a performance, composes a shot, or snips a film reel like a Coen. These guys are infallible again… If you think you didn’t like the ending, watch it again, because you’re dead wrong.

Why It’s Not Higher: There’s not a damn thing wrong with this movie, but in the end, it’s just a cowboy noir with a philosophy degree, and as cool as that sounds and as cool as it is, I had to shove it aside for a personal favorite.

3. There Will Be Blood
Why It’s On the List: I think this is probably the main choice on the list that no one on Earth will question. I’m actually kind of shocked at how insanely well-received this was after the semi-backlash that came with Punch-Drunk Love (still among my top five films of all time), but it’s been a really pleasant surprise to see my second favorite Anderson get his due. There’s really no point in explaining why it’s awesome… Colored in with ultra-dark humor and a brain-exploding score, it’s simply one of the most intense, creepy cinematic experiences out there, and one of the most detailed, well-conceived character studies imaginable. Plus, maybe you’ve already hear, but Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t too shabby in it. Out of everything on the list, I think this is the movie most likely to be a major classic 50 years from now.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s getting to the point where it’s practically coin-tossy, but in the end, this one bowed to No Country for Old Men. It’s fantastic and bizarre that both saw release this year. They go for the same audience, they’re equally spooky and depressing, and both deliver a timely message with old-school hooks. They also feature two of my favorite endings ever put to celluloid, and while the last 20 minutes of Blood features a level of condensed masterpiece stronger than anything on my list, No Country is a alightly more enjoyable film overall, and features about a dozen unforgettable performances as opposed to two.

4. Grindhouse
Why It’s On the List: Because I’ve never had so much fun in a movie theater. This is probably a surprise to some coming so high on the list, but the truth is, if a movie is judged on sheer entertainment value, this one is completely off the chart. That’s why I’m listing it as one movie instead of splitting up the two features. While Planet Terror is the most gleefully ridiculous horror movie ever made (possibly even beating out Evil Dead II) and Death Proof is poetic justice on speed, the real reason it’s so high is that you get both of them, and you get it with fake trailers, fake local advertisements, fake everything… a manufactured experience beginning to end that feels like a good strong handjob from two of my favorite directors. If you haven’t seen Grindhouse the correct way, reserve judgment, but either way, these movies are much smarter and denser than they appear. Okay, maybe not Planet Terror, that one’s just fun as shit.

Why It’s Not Higher: Come on. I kind of respect anyone who has the balls to put a free-for-all 70s funfest above prophetic modern masterpieces like There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men, but even I know that’s ridiculous.

5. Superbad
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s the high school movie I’ve dreamed about ever since my first week of high school. Superbad has all the infectious fun and super-laughs of Ferris Bueller, but ditches the plastic 80s warm-fuzzies with a more realistic view. These kids are frustrated, angry, scared, and mindlessly profane, and Jonah Hill and Michael Cera’s relationship must be one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen, and it’s realistic dynamic is as unexpected and disarming as the super-classy cinematography. Also, this movie is just sick kinds of funny. It’s probably the funniest movie of the year, with a tightly written script easily comparable to Landis and the other greats.

Why It’s Not Higher: Superbad probably has one too many “a crazy thing happened last night”s, and its beer-drenched nostalgia could probably take one small step back to the heart of the movie, which is of course Cera and Hill swearing at each other and living their shitty lives.

6. Shoot ‘Em Up
Why It’s On the List: The real question is, why isn’t it on everyone’s list? If Grindhouse didn’t have such a fun gimmick in its hands, this would be the choice for the most sheer entertainment packed into a film this year. In fact, I’ll probably rewatch this more than anything else on the list, partially because my girlfriend can’t stop throwing it on, but also because I just never get sick of it. John Woo has nothing on Michael Davis, who puts together action sequences so clever, so ridiculous, and so…uh…awesome, that it’s no wonder it got people applauding in theaters (or it would have, if there were any people in the theaters). Much more than a Schwarz-style action flick, though, Davis works in some amusingly contradictory politics, an insanely original sense of humor, and the best hero-villain combo since Roadrunner and Coyote.

Why It’s Not Higher: Smartly executed action sequences still smack just a little bit of fratboy gratuity.

7. Knocked Up
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s the most naturally acted raunch-com ever made. Knocked Up is most certainly hilarious. It’s frequently a teary-eyed, can’t-breathe kind of hilarious. But where it really takes off is its painfully accurate depiction of an awkward couple in an awkward situation. Instead of making light of a big problem, Apatow lets his actors be funny and the story free to wander into some very bitter, mean areas, and then rewards you with some really tender moments. It feels so messy and believable that you don’t even realize you’re watching a romantic comedy, and there’s not a forced moment in the whole gloriously long run. Rogen and Heigl are downright Oscar-worthy, but Apatow’s seemingly endless pool of supporting talent deserves a hell of a lot of credit for making it classicly hysterical.

Why It’s Not Higher: The improvisational style is probably directly responsible for the natural performances, but it also leads to kind of a slapdash form of comedy filmmaking. I saw an early cut of the movie in LA that traded out half the jokes for slightly different ones, making the movie feel like there’s no definitive cut, and making it a little less forgivable when a particular joke doesn’t work, such as the way-too-heavy leaning on modern pop culture references.

8. Atonement
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s pretty much the best period-piece melodrama, ever. Watching the trailers, I couldn’t quite understand what had everyone so excited, but within about five minutes, I was absolutely smitten. The kinetic score, the disturbing material, the surprisingly modern style, the great performances, the wry and subtle humor, and the gorgeous Kubrick-meets-Lean cinematography all make up for a hell of a spectacle. The many very different chapters keep this epic from ever getting boring, and as it chugs along, it gets more and more progressive and fresh, including a completely unexpected ending that would take almost anyone aback before deciding that yes, what you just saw was totally wicked.

Why It’s Not Higher: Joe Wright may have one keen sense of style, but I’m still not the biggest fan of nicely dressed people speaking in grand accents. As inventive as some of his choices are, it still very much fits a particular mold of upper-class literary drama.

9. Hot Fuzz
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s way too awesome to call a spoof. I liked Shaun of the Dead for what it was, but for me, Hot Fuzz takes things one step further. It’s insanely entertaining, featuring amazing gore-work and an infectious love for sunglass-wearing action-cops, but it’s also just a neat film, with a very different type of main character and a truly interesting mystery (including an insanely funny and satisfying resolution) that doesn’t bother itself with a forced love story, but still has enough love for its characters that it can’t be accused of being “all plot.” Edgar Wright’s exciting and brisk pacing and visual style and his gifted arsenal of actors are becoming an extremely reliable source for clever genre pastiches that have an almost magically high rewatchability factor.

Why It’s Not Higher: To be honest, for a comedy, I really don’t find it all that hilarious until the last 20 minutes. Any slightly-flat joke is always accompanied by a spoonful of sugar, but it does mean that Knocked Up and Superbad slide past it as my ’07 comedies go.

10. Great World of Sound
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s the kind of inspired indie work that harkens back to a time before “indie” was an annoying word. GWOS is cheap and minimalist filmmaking at its absolute best, with an original story, an innovative filming technique that mixes in real-life musicians, and a whole lot of new talent that should become household names immediately. Homester Runner co-creator Craig Zobel mixes his absurdist sense of humor with producer David Gordon Green’s downcast, ultra-natural vibes, and the result is funny, fresh, and pleasantly depressing, with two of my favorite lead performances of the year. This is one of the more obscure films on the list, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t make like Office Space and gain a cult following really quickly.

Why It’s Not Higher: Most of the “real” footage is pretty charming, but it also leads to a couple slight lulls, and the concept gets close to playing itself out just before it changes direction.

11. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s fucking beautiful, man. Julien Schnabel took a book that, from the sound of it, I would easily call unfilmable, and he ends up making something that comes really damn close to capturing the essence of humanity, through the use of mind’s-eye dreamscape footage, some cleverly done P.O.V. work, and the most spectacular lead performance ever given to a character rarely seen on screen. His plight is frusrating and real, and the viewer feels every nuance of it.

Why It’s Not Higher: Schnabel was pretty much handed some bonafide tearjerker material, so a lot of the emotional high-points pretty much hit themselves. This isn’t really a fault in the movie, but it does have an insanely high pathos factor. Plus, American dude made a whole movie in French. What an asshole!

12. Bug
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s one of the blackest comedies since Dr. Strangelove. This extremely underrated and misunderstood oddball mini-masterpiece by revered director William Friedkin was either ignored or hated by most, but it can basically be chalked up to marketing. Packaged as a horror film, and presented that way for the first stretch, Bug is indeed quite creepy, but as it amps up the ridiculous factor, you slowly realize what’s happening, and scathing, brilliant drug satire and high camp crinkle up the spook factor and the movie becomes something much more impressive than a “Ew, there’s bugs in my skin!” creature-feature. Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon give two joyously uninhibited performances in a claustrophobic, small-scale play adaptation that Friedkin works over with intense visual appeal and a free-wheeling love of pure ugliness.

Why It’s Not Higher: I’m not sure if the bait-and-switch aspect will hold up to repeat viewings. Also, in a weird way, this is more inhibited by its comedic nature than some of this year’s more blatant comedies. In other words, it doesn’t accomplish a whole lot beyond laughing at crazy conspiracy theorists and stoners. (Which, don’t get me wrong, is really fun.)

13. Black Book
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s the most fun WWII is ever going to get. Verhoeven has always been brilliant at mixing genres or even mixing his moralities, but this may be his masterpiece of multi-tasking, full-steam entertainment. It’s a brightly colored, ultra-stylized, fast and amusing film that isn’t afraid to use its setting as a way to show off striking Nazi fashion and ample T&A, but it shockingly manages to be just as suspenseful and tender as it is campy. It’s like if Anne Frank had drawn a comic book instead of writing a diary. It has all the dark, believable emotional content and breathtaking story of classic cinema, but it’s also filled with larger-than-life characters and clever, thrill-ride action sequences. Plus, seriously, this girl is so sexy you won’t even believe it.

Why It’s Not Higher: Verhoeven cheats a little by throwing Indiana Jones, Schindler’s List, Cabaret, and Superman in a blender. Yeah, that sounds awesome, but it feels slightly like a bunch of familiar styles strung together. In fact,it’s eerily similar to this year’s Lust, Caution, although this is a far superior film.

14. Lake of Fire
Why It’s On the List: Because it might be my favorite documentary ever. Stylistically, Tony Kaye plays all his cards just right here, making an astonishingly even-handed full report on abortion that would surely win him one hell of an A+ if he were turning in a school thesis project. He spents many, many moons on the project, and it shows in its utter completeness. It’s a fascinating and extremely smart movie that no one could ever forget if they’re lucky enough to see it.

Why It’s Not Higher: The black-and-white is sort of a must for the subject matter, and I’m really glad it’s there, but when you add on all the stylish credits and haunting photography, it feels the slighest bit overcooked (Gross, I just “overcooked” in an abortion movie review.) It’s not that it’s manipulative, it just has the weird feeling sometimes of some sort of teenage goth-poet holding the camera (Granted, it would be one talented-ass teenager.) Plus, if you’re going to factor in rewatchability, uh… I really don’t want to see any more dead babies, thanks.

15. The Wendell Baker Story
Why It’s On the List: Because Luke Wilson is a damn likable fellow. Luke’s long-delayed semi-solo project (he had help from both of his insanely talented brothers) looks at first glance like a messier, junior version of Wes Anderson, but while it shares a few comic sensibilities, it’s actually a massively entertaining tribute to the lazy, happy-go-lucky, sun-soaked films of the 70s, and his charming sense of humor and super-sweet nature is beyond infectious. It’s a really funny, light-hearted film (despite a deliciously twisted villainous plot by a top-form Owen) that I could easily watch again and again. Also, Will Ferrell is really, really good in it, playing it subtle in a way he hasn’t in a very long time.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s not the most ambitious movie. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but there’s more heart in this one than sweat, blood, or tears.

16. Black Snake Moan
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s the most ethically sound sexploitation flick in the world. For a vintage-reeled, sweaty, naked bondage flick to be such a profound and well-meaning exploration of morality and commitment, there must be someone really interesting at the helm. Oh, right, it’s the guy who made the world’s sweetest, most artistically inspired pimp-hop movie. Sammy J is absolutely on fire here, playing possibly his most complex character yet and never falling back on the Julius thing. He’s truly acting his balls off. Ricci is also great as usual, plus she’s extremely naked and…stuff… but the real surprise is Timberlake, with his brilliant wimpy soldier character. A dark redemption tale that continues to show off one of the most exciting new filmmakers of the naughts, or whatever people finally decided to call this decade.

Why It’s Not Higher: In some strange way, it almost feels like some sort of cop-out to put together a movie that visually glorifies the control and objectification of women, and letting the script sort out the controvery. Plus, it doesn’t quite have that knee-jerk “Oh my god this is amazing” factor that Hustle & Flow had. Snake’s a little bit more of an actors’ film rather than the whole kit and caboodle.

17. Zodiac
Why It’s On the List: Because it gives an all-new meaning to historical accuracy. Much in the same way Sin City showed you really can make a movie that stays true to its source, Zodiac shows you can do the same thing with real life. Fincher was insanely tedious about getting his details right, and as a result, many found this movie…well, tedious. My favorite scene is probably Jake Gyllenhaal sitting on the floor, looking through documents in real time. Every crime movie can’t be this movie, but I’m glad there’s one that picks apart a murder mystery for what it’s really like: frustrating, boring, and really fucking hard. There’s enough suspense and splatter to keep things moving, and the actors are universally amazing (Downey Jr. is unbelievable and I only wish the true-life story featured his character more prominently), but what the movie does best is capture the uselessness and defeat that must be felt by crimesolvers much more regularly than McClane-style victory.

Why It’s Not Higher: Come on, man, it’s like six hours of Donnie Darko doing word puzzles.

18. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Why It’s On the List: Because they did a pretty damn good job adapting a fantastic book. The fifth novel turned off a lot of fans, but for me it was where the novel series really picked up, getting away from wonky “wook at his wee little wand” cutesiness and “who stole the cookies?” plots, and getting into my favorite aspect of the series… dirty politics and believable explanations of the logistics of a secret, magical world. New director David Yates has a slick visual style, and with him comes some perfectly cast, excellent new characters, who all mix it up brilliantly leading to a truly exciting climax. Also, Harry’s just wicked pissed for the whole movie, and that’s where Radcliffe does his best work with the character.

Why It’s Not Higher: Steve Kloves was never afraid to veer from the screenplay, but it was usually in the interest of keeping the truncated films as seamless and continuity-friendly to one another as possible, and to be honest, his changes were almost always for the better. New guy Michael Goldenberg does fine as a transcriber (it’s the most literal translation so far) but as soon as he veers off the page, things get too wacky for me. A lot of the missing pieces feel obvious, and people I know who haven’t read the book have said they felt like they weren’t getting the full picture, and felt like it was a giant movie about nothing. A lot of the frustrated emotions and strained relationships don’t come across so well, leaving a movie that’s fun to watch and surprisingly dark, but not quite as solid as the last two entries.

19. The Host
Why It’s On the List: Because it makes Godzilla look like a little bitch. The Host had a year up on Cloverfield, which it almost surely influenced, with its tight focus on a small group of characters taking the foreground to the monster’s background, making the events infinitely more terrifying than the classic sci-fi style of letting a monster loose on an entire city full of half-drawn characters. The Host is sad and intense, and it’s amazing how real they make this monster feel. It’s not only the incredible special effects, but also the insane attention to detail and logistics. It uses the creature as a springboard for not-so-subtle political commentary, but even if it weren’t a smart, interesting film, it would still be ridiculously impressive for its horror scenes alone. The first 15 minutes are absolutely incredible.

Why It’s Not Higher: There’s about two big lags in the film, and it obviously owes a whole lot to Jaws overall.

20. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Why It’s On the List: Because if you put 20 awesome actors in a movie, it’s probably going to be awesome. Obviously that theory breaks often, but honestly, Assassination owes nearly everything to brilliant indie champs like Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell, and Paul Schneider. It’s a beautiful, neatly made film with a handful of pants-pissingly good shots and a well-sustained epic pace. Possibly the best traditional Western in the recent explosion of new-fangled traditional Westerns.

Why It’s Not Higher: The script is good, but it’s basically the sort of drawn-out, history-loving affair that could easily make a decent-enough TV mini-series. It’s artfully executed, but the narration and chapteresque style feel the slighest bit stilted.

21. The Savages
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s sublimely brutal. Hoffman and Linney bring some extremely bitter and weighty vibes to this dim tragicomedy about responsibility, maturity, and mortality. Neither of their characters, nor almost anyone else in the film, are shown in much of a good light, but it’s played that way more for realism than for audience-torturing sarcasm and superiority, and there’s a faint hum of optimism over it all. It’s also a very attractive-looking film which is one of many unexpected surprises from what seems at quick glance to be another dysfuctional family indie melodrama.

Why It’s Not Higher: The lightly satiric sense of humor is one probably one step too witty… The more blatantly comedic moments come across as a little over-written compared to the naturalism in the rest of the film.

22. Lars and the Real Girl
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s about a sex doll, and it’s not a comedy. Not really, anyway. The film gets a few wonderfully awkward chuckles out of the situation, mostly from watching Paul Schneider and Emily Mortimer (both of whom are downright splendid) learning to cope with a new family friend, but Ryan Gosling’s unbelievably good performance brings depth, sadness, and believability to what by all means would have been a gimmick movie in Hollywood’s hands.

Why It’s Not Higher: The final act gets a little too Fantasyland for me personally, and Patricia Clarkson’s character is smug and all-knowing in a way that’s all too convenient for the story to move forward.

23. Eastern Promises
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s like a drive-in movie version of the Godfather. Easily one of my new favorite mob movies, Cronenberg is back on his A-game with a slick, violent, and unexpectedly funny romper-stomper kept solid by a great story, wickedly entertaining characters and dialogue, and some great performances, including Viggo, who never really struck me as a great actor until this film.

Why It’s Not Higher: It has its dopey moments, and the mixture of sexploitation-fried quirk and real human drama doesn’t mesh quite as well as in Verhoeven’s Black Book.

24. The Lives of Others
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s one of the finest stories of the year. Like an extra-bittersweet version of Kurt Vonnegut’s classic novel Mother Night, this is a complex, suspenseful, and ultimately satisfying morality tale with a terrific lead performance. The ending nearly brought me to tears.

Why It’s Not Higher: As interesting as the story is, its origins feel a little too rooted in the aforementioned novel, and the details seem to come from the Conversation and many classic undercover films as recent as the Departed. If it weren’t for some nice performances, its quality would be almost wholly plot-driven.

25. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s the best Tim Burton’s been in years, and Tim Burton can be pretty damn good. I’ve got a lot of resentment knotted up in my spine from watching my former favorite director turn into an uninspired remake monkey. As much as I’d love to see an original idea come out of him again, he scores well this time by making the first proper film adaptation of a stage classic, and knocking it out of the park. Burton’s exciting visual style is back in full swing, and he put together some great actors to make for his dark, funny, amazingly violent vision, especially his wife, who I haven’t seen this good since Fight Club.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s a little bit of style over substance. The original musical is great, but having seen a recent stage production I realize how much Burton went through the motions, putting much more emphasis on attractive shots than covering all the emotional nuances of the story or bringing anything remotely new to the table. The same goes for the film’s outdated, humdrum song arrangements. For a beloved musical, it’s amazing how few of its fans actually went out and bought the soundtrack, because it’s completely boring beyond Sondheim’s great lyrics and an occasionally inspired melody.

26. Gone Baby Gone
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s Encyclopedia Brown, all grown up. Way grown up. Ben Affleck’s sly, harsh take on detective films is ridiculously engrossing and likable, and he proves his supreme directing skills with a whole lot of really neat performances. It’s a cool, urban mystery that more than makes up for Jersey Girl, and it also joins Assassination of Jesse James as the two absolute revelations for showcasing the great Casey Affleck.

Why It’s Not Higher: The twisty-turny plot goes so far that it almost feels like a primetime cop show, and I wasn’t a fan at all of Morgan Freeman’s character. The final resolution is worth the wait, but things get just a tad bit silly right before, which is a shame for such an otherwise fascinating and realistic film.

27. Persepolis
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s how to do autobiography right. Full of rich personal details from both her fascinating, frightening political climate and her regular ol’ social life, Marjane Satrapi makes the jump from blog-worthy whining to beautiful, respectable entertainment by piling on her unique comic-book style and finding fascinating ways to draw the link between, say, her love of 80s metal and her daily religious oppression. It’s a cool, unique movie featuring some of my favorite animation work.

Why It’s Not Higher: While a healthy dose of youthful angst is somewhat necessary to relate to the character, it dips a little too much into the world of “He loves me not” and “My boobs are too big” for my personal taste. I found it the tiniest bit dull when it wasn’t attacking politics or getting crazy with the doodles.

28. The Mist
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s vintage horror among the many other failures pretending to be vintage horror. The Mist is quick and entertaining in a way I never expected Darabont could deliver. His everyday-Joe characters front a largely believable reaction to an eerie, imaginative crisis. Some may find Marcia Gay Harden’s religious war a little over the top, but I thought it was great use of the old “the real monsters are US” fallback, and it leads to some deliciously frustrating sequences. Speaking of which, the most memorable part of the film is its pitch-black shocker of an ending, which is similarly divisive for audiences but I thought it was perfect reaction-ramping filmmaking.

Why It’s Not Higher: A lot of the ideas seem to be culled from other places, and I don’t just mean Stephen King’s novella. Even if the product itself feels pretty fresh, that’s mostly because it’s been so long since someone’s gotten this right. I’m still not convinced Darabont knows what he’s doing, and the quality of his work may depend heavily on what he decides to rip off.

29. 2 Days in Paris
Why It’s On the List: For the most part, it’s on here because of what it isn’t. What should have been an almost-cutesy auteur vanity project and a lazy retread of the Before Sunrise series is actually a really vibrant, interesting, unique movie that covers a lot of the same ideas as your standard indie relationship drama but in a new light. Delpy is great at everything she does in this movie (directing, writing, acting, producing, editing, and even fucking singing), but the key performance is Adam Goldberg, who caps off a long series of almost-good performances with an incredible role that drags the audience right into the paranoid confusion of being completely out of your element. It’s powerful enough that it gave me a legitimate phobia of Paris. He’s also pretty dang funny in it.

Why It’s Not Higher: A fresh, vibrant take on indie relationship dramas is still an indie relationship drama, and it hits a lot of familiar points. It definitely accomplishes what it sets out to do, but it doesn’t have the loftiest goals to begin with. Delpy’s next film, the Countess, sounds like it might be a step up.

30. Ratatouille
Why It’s On the List: Is it too obvious to say “because it’s Pixar?” Above all else, this movie has the highest-quality animation I’ve ever seen. All the complicated texture work they’ve been perfecting over several movies has pretty much reached total perfection, and it’s a jaw-droppingly beautiful movie. It doesn’t hurt that the story is charming as hell, inspirational and hilarious, and features Brad Bird’s trademark off-the-beaten-path themes and his penchant for unexpectedly dark plot elements – look out for a kleptomaniac hero and a Giant Wall of Death.

Why It’s Not Higher: I think if Brad Bird had been involved from the very beginning, it might have resonated deeper with me emotionally. I thought it was beautiful and amusing, and certainly had its tender moments, but a lot of the “drama” was too Mickey-Mousey for me, and it lacks the depth and the thrills of Iron Giant or Incredibles.

31. Live Free or Die Hard
Why It’s On the List: Have you met John McClane? After all these years, Bruce Willis is more comfortable and deft at playing this character than most method actors, and even in a high-numbered sequel that by all means should be embarassing, he makes it work almost by himself. The script is enjoyaby ridiculous, but the high entertainment – and the reason I’ll be buying the DVD – is the cheer-worthy ultra-action on display at every turn and grounded by a surprisingly believable lead performance. The popular joke (at least among…me) is that the next movie has to be set in space to up the ante any further, and what’s great about it is that it works. The character build-up has been done so well that McClane now feels like a real-life superhero. Anyway, say what you will about Len Wiseman, but his action sequences blew my mind. Any movie that drives a car through an elevator shaft is okay by me.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s pretty dopey, and most of the supporting characters are forgettable, plus the plot itself – involving a hacker free-for-all dubbed a “fire sale” – is exactly the kind of clueless cyber-confusion studios cranked out in the early days of computers. In other words, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

32. 3:10 to Yuma
Why It’s On the List: Because it was the only remake worth seeing last year. James Mangold’s playful, sad-eyed adventure epic is just plum entertaining, with a lot of fascinating performances, a wonderfully vintage vibe, and gritty violence. Weirdly enough, it’s the first movie to get me excited about Russell Crowe, whose twisted, mysterious, bipolar moral code makes for one of the best villains in recent memory, and plays to fantastic effect off of ultra-noble Christian Bale. When they team up, it’s a goddamn show-stopper of an ending.

Why It’s Not Higher: James Mangold is moving in the right direction, but he’s still too much of a pretty-boy filmmaker for me. This is a good movie, but it doesn’t hold a candle to most of the other films in the new bloody Western revival movement. It’s too clean and nice. Besides, I’m kind of bitter that I broke my “no remakes” law to see it.

33. Spider-Man 3
Why It’s On the List: Spiderman’s Spiderman, man. I understand some of the complaints, but I think you’re crazy if you don’t dig emo-Peter. Character-wise, Raimi is still doing fascinating stuff here, and it still has the all cheeky fun and bombast of the series. Each Spiderman movie is jam-packed with everything I want from a comic book movie, and this is no different. Colorful, absurd, campy, funny, quick super-drama with wickedly good effects work. I had a ton of fun with it, and I’m still very much ready for more. The series feels far from over, and this one sets up some particularly interesting landmines for Peter’s wonderfully melodramatic love life.

Why It’s Not Higher: Sequels don’t seem to be able to help themselves in piling on the ridiculous, and you can only chalk up so much to “Relax, it’s just a comic book.” The script ovesimplifies and rearranges the original storyline to practically autistic levels sometimes. Having symbiotes conveniently land right on Peter’s make-out spot or re-imagining the events of the first film to turn the Sandman into Uncle Ben’s killer shows little respect for fans of the source material – and more importantly, it shows little respect for audience intelligence. Also, if Raimi didn’t want to do Venom, he should have either put his foot down or done it right. Instead, we get a whole lot of lead-up and a 5-second fight. The movie has enough fun character work and Sandman action to forgive, but Venom is the new ultimate cinematic blue-baller.

34. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Why It’s On the List: Because it really is the savior of the spoof, whether or not anyone actually saw or liked it. I think this one’s going to get a cult resurgence as time goes on, because it’s just too funny – and way too on-target – to forget about. Sporting the same mile-a-minute, nothing’s-too-crazy ethos as early Zucker Brothers, Walk Hard skewers the musical biopic and leaves plenty of fantastic gags and legitimately great music in its wake, and Jake Kasdan’s commitment to shooting it “real” makes for a damn fine looking stupid comedy with hysterically earnest performances.

Why It’s Not Higher: Just like Airplane!, every third joke falls pretty flat, and unlike Airplane!, its best jokes are less groundbreaking than just really amusing.

35. I’m Not There
Why It’s On the List: It’s an experimental film that works. Todd Haynes’ biopic is idiosynchratic, irreverent, and truly original. It’s unconventional in a way that makes you realize just how stale and predictable most movies – even arthouse movies – have become. I hate biopics (see #34) but I’m Not There puts its head above the crowd by opting to make an inspired tribute to a performer that focuses on the spirit and essence of the music and of the public persona, rather than putting together a tired, clumsy narrative that tries to show “the real Dylan.” It’s a highly creative film with amazing visuals, and a performance by Cate Blanchett that can not be overhyped enough. No one will ever play this character like Blanchett did, and she should have gotten the Oscar.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s an extremely prolific movie that covers the stylistic gamut. It’s hard to imagine anyone liking every single scene, and there were definitely a few Dylan incarnations that had me a little bored.

36. The Ten
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s living proof that the sketch movie is not dead. David Wain and Ken Marino’s ambitious, bizarre anthology film sports a seriously left-field sense of humor and a refrshing, Pythonesque structure that makes it pretty damn different from other recent comedies. Wain somehow convinced a lot of respectable actors to act out his wonderfully ludicrous comic fantasies, and the stone-faced commitment from the likes of Liev Schreiber and Winona Ryder make the experience all the more surreal, and all the more fall-down funny.

Why It’s Not Higher: Wain and Marino aren’t afraid to try anything, and they go all the way with everything, so a couple weak sketches feel interminably long and awkwardly unfunny, including a musical anticlimax that hits all the wrong notes.

37. 300
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s gorgeous as sin, and piled high with stylistic machismo. Frank Miller’s comic book is excellent source material, and Zach Snyder perfectly captures the mythical visuals in a surreal dreamscape that’s absolutely dripping with color and represents the absolute finest in modern technology. He also does a pretty good job capturing the gung-ho bloodlust and sprase, gritty dialogue, making a movie that’s intense, engrossing, and most of all, completely unbelievable to look at.

Why It’s Not Higher: What he DIDN’T capture was the anti-war message of the comic, and even went so far as to add unforgivable new scenes that attempt to explain Lyonidus’s actions and make him out to be a hero. The best aspect of the comic is that these men are not heroes and villains, they just “are,” and this is what they do, because they’re barbarians like everybody else. Hence, the movie 300 has turned into a must-see for patriotic, homo-erotic frat-boys across America.

38. Romance and Cigarettes
Why It’s On the List: Because Turturro didn’t spend all those years with the Coens learning nothin’. His misunderstood crowd-movie takes its eye-candy visuals and oddball characters from Joel and Ethan’s book, but its blue-collar domestic potboiler style is all his own. His unexpected decision to shoot the musical numbers as radio sing-a-longs is pure poison to some people, but go with it and you’ll find it to be a natural choice, and the massive amounts of fun all the actors are having is infectious as hell. If you can’t enjoy a filthy, pregnant, greasy Kate Winslet jiggling all over the screen like tapioca, or Christopher Walken screaming, stabbing, and dancing his way through one of his most whacked-out performances yet, then what can you enjoy?

Why It’s Not Higher: Like most actors’ directorial debuts, it’s a little all over the place. When the film slows down and tries to pull off some tender moments, it’s a little hard to take it seriously when you’ve already done a “wacky circumcision scene.”

39. Stardust
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s a family film that’s actually as charming and magical as advertised. Neil Gaiman’s imaginative source material seems to be just the ticket for whimsical old-school fun, and Matthew Vaughn makes it even better with his sly, dark, violent Brit-humor (see: the amazing subplot featuring Peter O’Toole and his family of murderous cretins gradually turned into amused ghosts). I didn’t care for his Layer Cake much, but taking the same quick-and-stylish approach to a kiddie epic like this makes for a seriously entertaining ride that’s funny and exhilirating, and giving Michelle Pfeiffer and some other lovely folks an excuse to ham it up in the best way possible.

Why It’s Not Higher: Its zany sense of humor and overbearing magicalisms can get a little hoaky now and then, most especially with a Robin Williams-esque appearance by Robert De Niro as a “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” reject that takes the gay rights movement a step backwards and, more importantly, really isn’t that funny. (But tell that to my parents, who were rolling on the floor.)

40. Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s oh so crazy. Sure to go down as one of the strangest theatrical experiences I’ve had, this movie even weirded me out at times, and I’ve been a diehard fan of the show since day one. These guys’ anarchic, certifiable comedy isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you have to give them credit for having balls. Instead of dumbing down their humor and trying to cash in, they made an inpenetrably insane film, that’s fortunate to also be funny as fuck.

Why It’s Not Higher: On one hand, I love the complete lack of respect they show their own characters and story – as if the very concept of a plot is a joke to them – but it does lead to a movie with almost no continuity or cohesiveness, that means when it isn’t hilarious, it’s borderline dull, and while the gags are stranger, they’re not on average any funnier than a random episode.

41. The Hawk is Dying
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s uncomfortable and ugly in a way that makes most uncomfortable, ugly arthose fare look like fucking poseurs. Definitely one of the most underrated movies of the year, the completely overlooked Hawk is Dying is wonderfully grimy and depressing, with an absolutely fantastic performance from Paul Giamatti, and some fascinating pet-hawk footage.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s definitely not the kind of thing you’d want to return to again and again, and not just because it’s downbeat.

42. Juno
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s this year’s Little Miss Sunshine. No, I’m kidding, don’t stop reading. But seriously, for all the backlash against cute and quirky mainstream breakthroughs, it’s hard to argue with the fact that most of the main offendors are still pretty lovable on their own terms. Juno is funny and sweet throughout, and at its best, it’s actually pretty smart and complicated, mainly in Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner, an only-slightly-dysfunctional couple who manage to gradually pile on the insecurities and creepiness without ever seeming like real people. Similarly, Michael Cera (god bless these people for putting two Arrested Development vets in one movie, seriously) is fucking splendid as the confused, unlikely father-to-be. Throw on some classy supporting laughs from the highly underrated duo of J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney, and another infinitely watchable, nuanced performance from Ellen Page, and you’ve got a pretty enjoyable film.

Why It’s Not Higher: Because it’s not really fair to judge a movie completely on its own terms. It’s hard to tell if the blame goes mostly toward the script or to Jason Reitman (it kind of depends on who coined the term “honest to blog”), but the worn-out faux-DIY style glossed over the whole film is flat-out obnoxious, and burns me the more I sit with it. It feels very much like a Wes Anderson film for people not smart enough to get Wes Anderson (not to mention the fact that the lead character is basically Enid from Ghost World, only fatter and younger), and the twee, look-what-cool-bands-we-know soundtrack isn’t doing it any favors.

43. The Orphanage
Why It’s On the List: Honestly? Because it scared the piss out of me. It’s always sort of weird to reveal what movies are scary to you, because it’s as subjective as condiments, but this is truly one of like three or four movies to really, really unsettle me. My heart was in my throat the whole time, despite the fact that I usually find ghost stories to be a complete waste of my time. It maybe doesn’t sound like such an in-depth review, but in my opinion, these guys are new masters of suspense, and I’m excited to see what they can do outside of del Toro’s guidance.

Why It’s Not Higher: My girlfriend was quick to point out to me that if you take it out of Mexico and put some lesser actors in it, it’s basically every “where’d my kid go?” B-thriller of the last decade. And it’s true, the movie doesn’t have much new to offer beyond creepy style, and the Brazil-gone-sappy ending suggests that they’re much better directors than writers.

44. The Lookout
Why It’s On the List: It’s an extremely tightly crafted thriller with a legitimately unique and interesting twist. Joseph Gordon Levitt is the real key to success here, fleshing out the complicated emotions of his brain-damaged anti-hero who gets swept up in a delightfully twisty-turny burglary plot while trying to deal with everday disappointment and an alienated social status. It’s a trick that really works, and it pays off with interest in the supremely well-thought-out climax.

Why It’s Not Higher: For a bad-guy movie, it’s kind of hoaky sometimes, and the criminal element is a little over the top, making the move too quickly between sympathetic character development and pitch-black cynicism.

45. The Hunting Party
Why It’s On the List: It puts the shameless fun back into politically oriented vigilantism. For a prickly war movie, it’s kind of amazing how much light-hearted entertainment this movie provides, opting for dark humor and vicarious thrills instead of red tape and details, and it’s actually a pretty inspirational true story, especially in today’s climate. Richard Gere, Terrence Howard, and Jesse Eisenberg are a great team, and director Richard Shepherd is proving to be a new master of the unorthodox buddy comedy.

Why It’s Not Higher: Maybe it’s a little too MUCH shameless fun. It’s a little odd to see Gere smirk and drop Bruce Willis one-liners through such a nuance-free take on the Bosnian war. Shepherd also wears all his stylistic influences on his sleeve, but then again, he’s only a couple movies into his career.

46. Sunshine
Why It’s On the List: It’s a big, beautiful sci-fi epic made just like they don’t make ‘em anymore. Sparkly, atmospheric, cold, and intense, Danny Boyle tries his hand at a different genre, mixing his penchant for bitter human drama with the vintage, claustrophobic space-age style. It’s possibly his best-looking movie yet, and it comes with another great Cillian Murphy performance and another smart, piercing Alex Garland screenplay.

Why It’s Not Higher: Many movies are content to shadow 2001, but this is almost ridiculous. And speaking of ridiculous, the overcooked (ha ha) action climax is kind of fun in a Star Trek rerun kind of way, but its anti-religious undertones are way too on-the-nose.

47. 28 Weeks Later
Why It’s On the List: Because it’s bleaker, angrier, and maybe even less commercial than the original. Far from the cash-in sequel everyone expected, 28 Weeks takes the social criticism of the first films and racks it up to infinity. The first film already taught us that the real monsters are usually in uniform, so the sequel takes it for given and hits the ground running, creating a terrifyingly believable vision of the future of the armed forces and setting up a chilling, ridiculously depressing chase film filled with seriously unsettling violence and horrifying situations, featuring some of the best kid-acting I’ve ever seen.

Why It’s Not Higher: There is such a thing as too bleak. 28 Days Later didn’t blink about going after the government, religion, and mob mentality, but it also has a strong hopeful streak. 28 Weeks is like one long hammer claw to the skull, and they pull it off by piling on the excess. Also, while it graciously didn’t tarnish the series like many sequels of its type, I’m still not convinced it was a necessity.

48. Michael Clayton
Why It’s On the List: It’s a dense, blood-rushing take on dull corporate thrillers. Shocking cover-ups and class-action lawsuits have been a mainstay of pseudo-prestigious B-movies for a couple decades now, echoing the national fear of the behind-closed-doors, profit-sniffing committee decisions that leads to regularly announced corporate scandals. In that sense, Clayton doesn’t have much to offer, but it’s superbly directed and surprisingly quick and entertaining, and fine performances by Clooney, Tom Wilinson, and Tilda Swinton bring a welcome gravitas to a twist-filled, fist-pumping script.

Why It’s Not Higher: Like I said, it’s not something entirely new, and while the ending is extremely satisfying and kinda badass, it’s hard not to predict it within the first five minutes of the movie. Because it plays by formula, there’s no doubt that Wilkinson’s character isn’t lying, or that Clooney’s isn’t already on the road to redemption.

49. King of California
Why It’s On the List: It’s a great big grin of a movie. Light-hearted, disarmingly kind, and uh, let’s face it, pretty damn quirky, King of California is an infectiously fun and offbeat story involving Spanish gold, middle-aged looney-bin treasure-hunters, and of course, Costco. Michael Douglas is fresher than ever, and his wild=eyed, carefree smile loads an infinite amount of homegrown goodwill into the movie’s power pack.

Why It’s Not Higher: Evan Rachel Wood is pretty much just a placeholder. It would have been interesting to further explore the ramifications of a dad this wacky, but there’s only a few superficial references to his irresponsible nature, and from there it’s just an extra-quirky treasure hunt. Also, for a comedy, most of the laughs come more from an overall “Hey, can you believe what he’s doing now?” plot-humor than any sort of crafted jokes.

50. Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead
Why It’s On the List: Because plenty of movie heists have had bigger disasters, but none have gone so horribly, horribly wrong. The great Lumet opts for selfish, bottomed-out losers in place of well-dressed gangsters, and ends up with one of the most dysfunctional domestic situations imaginable, and a sickening clusterfuck plot made all the more stomach-turning by depressingly realistic performances by Ethan Hawke, a super-naked Marisa Tomei, and a fantastic-as-ever P-Hoff.

Why It’s Not Higher: It’s just not that big a blip on the radar. It works as a seedy ensemble piece, but the plot structure is torn straight from every other troubled heist film.

Honorable Mentions:

This is England – A sublimely personal look at neo-Nazism that legitimately attempts to understand and solve a culture crisis, featuring a cracking good performance by young Thomas Turgoose.

Southland Tales – An impressively askew polito-comedy with the most insane cast ever assembled, it’s hilarious and admirably ambitious – but also dull and convoluted.

The Simpsons Movie – Pretty much just a bigger, longer Simpsons episode, but it’s consistently clever and fun, and the animation that’s come to be taken for granted on TV is delicious and exciting all over again on the big screen.

Eagle vs. Shark - An overly quirky but surprisingly sweet and naturally funny rom-com from New Zealand that fortunately isn’t anything like the Napoleon Dynamite rip-off the marketing made it out to be.

Sicko – Another enticing, fascinating call to arms from Michael Moore. Not as entertaining or as effective (or, honestly, quite as well-made) as his usual, but it definitely got people talking and will hopefully go about making a difference.

I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With – A clumsy but funny, laidback semi-rom-com made endearing and ultra-watchable by the great Jeff Garlin and his army of comedy friends.

The Brothers Solomon – A cheap Farrelly Bros. knockout on some levels, but Will Forte’s script has plenty of absurdist comedy gold that’s great for a hearty laugh and a WTF, and he and Will Arnett are fantastic to watch playing in their big movie sandbox.

Charlie Wilson’s War – A really great true story turned into a highly entertaining crackerjack kind of political dramedy. Hanks and Hoffman are really fantastic, but it’s all really familiar territory from Sorkin and a little underwhelming.

Reno 911! Miami – Pretty much just four episodes strung together, unrated, and set in a different locale. If you think the show is funny, you’ll think the movie’s funny (I think it’s hilarious), but it has nothing else going on, and I could have used something a little… bigger.

Mr. Brooks – A lovably ridiculous schizo character study that makes for a pretty great guilty pleasure. A B-movie even by Costner’s standards, but the acting’s not bad at all and the premise is too fun to ignore.

Wristcutters: A Love Story – A refreshingly oddball indie film that feels straight out of the early ’90s. The resolution is pretty cliche, and it’s never more than moderately amusing, but it’s fun to watch and and has some pretty clever ideas, and it’s actually pretty sweet-natured for a suicide comedy.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters – I wasn’t as enamored with it as a lot of people, but I see the attraction. It’s a fun good-vs.-evil battle in form, but Billy Mitchell is actually kind of pleasant in his own creepy way. They bent the details a lot to make it work, but it’s not exactly a moral quandary of a movie, and it’s mostly worth watching for some of the Trekkies-style super-nerds that involve themselves so deeply in the process.

Lust, Caution – Kind of a letdown after Brokeback Mountain, Ang Lee’s Hitchcock tribute/ripoff is definitely very nice-looking and has some great performances. Not the most original film, but it handles itself well with good suspense and tense drama.

Hostel Part II – Has some great shots and some great ideas, mostly toward the beginning and end, but as someone who’s never really tossed around the term “torture porn” before (I loved the first Hostel), this is just too much. There’s no point in blending sex and violence this much if it’s not to get people off, and it ends up being more disturbing than interesting.

Blades of Glory – Lots of big, stupid, PG-13 laughs courtesy of Will Ferrell, and even moreso from super-creepy skating couple Arnett and Poehler. The filmmakers milk a lot of fun out of overblown ice dancing, but the script is rail-thin and Jon Heder pretty much just stands there the whole time.

The Golden Compass – Actually a pretty enjoyable fantasy flick. Feels like it never really gets to the meat of the story (and now it never will) but Kidman was a great villain, it was fun to watch the idea unfold, and few things in the cinema last year were as cool as cocky, badass, armored polar bears.

Waitress – A super-charming, promising debut that unfortunately can’t be followed up. Some surprisingly fun, unpredictable choices and funny, well-cast actors mostly even out the tired, aw-shucks rom-com dialogue.

Hatchet – Kind of a weak horror movie, but it looks great for a low-budget slasher and it’s pretty fucking hilarious, especially in the first half.

I Am Legend – Royally screws up the story, leading to a really stupid third act, but until then it’s pretty eerie and effective, and Will Smith does a pretty damn fine job with the classic “dude walks around talking to himself” format.

TMNT – Pretty exciting for childhood Ninja Turtle fanboys like myself. Does a great job putting the team back together, and the CGI animation is the best I’ve seen outside of Pixar. Not the greatest villain plot or the funniest dialogue, and apparently you can’t use swords in a PG movie anymore, but it’s far better than could be expected of a rehash like this.

Vacancy – You could sort of call it “one of those” horror films, but when it’s at its best, it’s actually pretty scary, and Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale are classier actors than usual for this kind of thing, so it’s a little more believable. Frank Whaley is a pretty great campy villain too.

Severance – Sort of a cheap knockoff of the recent rush of horror-comedies since Shaun of the Dead. It’s not particularly funny or original, but it’s pretty gruesome and doesn’t pull any punches.

The Mediocre:

Margot at the Wedding – Complete and total torture on any audience looking for a single redeeming character, and there’s nothing funny or groundbreaking enough to make up for it, but if you push past that, the performances are really good and it kind of works as a scathing character commentary.

Joshua – An interesting premise that I don’t think was executed correctly. I love the idea of average parents trying to deal with a kid this fucked up, with no demons or ghosts involved, but the script gets too goofy, and the only people clinging onto quality are Vera Farmiga and Sam Rockwell, who are both really great.

Once – I get the attraction, but I never liked the Frames, so why would I like two hours of Frames songs? I don’t have any problem with it, and the relationship scenes are really nice, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End – The second unnecessary sequel to what was originally a standalone popcorn film is convoluted, silly, and boring, but it has quite a few nice touches, mainly some Jack Sparrow weirdness and another round of amazing effects work.

Interview – Kind of a dopey rendition of a good idea, and it doesn’t really have much worth beyond raising awareness of the late Theo Van Gogh, but Steve Buscemi and Sienna Miller are fun to watch.

Rocket Science – Derivative as hell, and way too precious and smirky, but again, the actors make it fun to watch, and there’s a few really clever parts.

Paprika – Pretty good for ultra-crazy anime, but it totally falls apart when it tries to fold surreality into a police mystery with clumsy results, and it just feels like something 12-year-old boys would masturbate to. The whacko music and a handful of batshit visuals are almost worth the price of admission – but not quite.

Into the Wild – One of the schmaltziest movies to ever get any kind of indie cred. It grated on me quite a bit and is frequently boring as sin, but it’s a pretty good story, well shot, and there’s some nice actor moments here and there.

Fido – A tired spoof of political propaganda films and not the best zombie movie in the world (or even this year), but its vaguely clever pet-corpse concept is enough to pull it through, even moreso when you add underrated character actors like Dylan Baker, Billy Connolly, Carrie-Ann Moss, and Tim Blake Nelson.

You Kill Me – Mildly entertaining drunken-hitman comedy with a lot of actors that should have used their time doing something much better, but still keep this one from falling completely into forgettable territory.

Paris Je T’aime – Hard to form an opinion of since it’s so haphazardly cobbled together and the quality variant is ridiculous. More often than not, I thought the shorts fell flat, but there’s a handful of golden ones, mostly from the people you’d expect.

Smiley Face – Stupid, nearly humorless cheap-o comedy that hits every stoner cliche in the book, but damned if Anna Faris can’t make any movie watchable. She’s effortlessly funny and gives it her all.

Bee Movie – Weak Dreamworks nonsense, but it’s nice to have Jerry back, and he has a couple of funny idea.

The Bottom 10 of 2007:

10. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon – A promising concept that can’t quite pull off the complicated horror-comedy balance. It’s a lot more effective with scares than laughs (most of the jokes are just obvious references and Dark Comedy 101) but even that kind of falls apart in the last act.

9. Undead or Alive – Another useless zombie comedy (why the hell are there so many of these now?) but it has a sort of cheap charm and some funny-enough performances, and a satisfyingly twisted ending.

8. P2 – Kind of entertaining in a dumb-fun way, mostly because of Wes Bentley’s zany villain, but it’s a completely ineffective horror film, and should have much better use of its smart parking-garage environment.

7. Black Sheep – A bad joke that probably should never have been expanded to a movie, Black Sheep has about two big laughs and does a good job mixing pastoral visuals with blood and guts, but it’s poorly acted with a horrible script full of really flat, predictable comedy.

6. The TV Set – Unfunny, overly snarky, completely off-base, and proof that Apatow isn’t instant gold. Jake Kasdan has made other, funnier movies, but this is just two hours of whining about Freaks and Geeks, and this is from someone who fucking loves Freaks and Geeks. Everyone knows TV sucks, but TV Set is so obvious and over-the-top with its satire that it doesn’t even make its point. It’s frustrating that the talent involved couldn’t pool together something more worthwhile, but it just doesn’t have laughs, and it feels about 10 years behind the times in its media criticism.

5. Across the Universe – It looks nice, but it’s actually downright offensive in the way it squeezes some of the best songs ever written, not to mention the civil rights movement and the Vietnam War, into cute little packages using mind-numbingly stupid plot contrivances. Its only seemingly creative ideas are culled from the song lyrics or other reference points, and ends up just a messy, dumb movie that feels written by a 15-year-old just discovering what hippies are.

4. Bridge to Terabithia – Attempts to turn a decent children’s book into both a Narnia-style CGI fantasy romp and a manipulative family melodrama. It’s horrible on both fronts.

3. Enchanted – For the most part, if I hate a movie you like, it’s just a matter of preference. But with Enchanted…no. Fuck you if you like this movie and you’re not 8. I have no idea what got the hype machine going on this movie, but you’re all insane. Amy Adams is cute? So what? So is Katie Couric, but I don’t watch morning entertainment news everyday either. It’s a fucking stupid movie made exclusively to sell dolls. Stop giving Disney money to phone it in.

2. Skinwalkers (no full review) – After ten minutes of horrible acting and ugly camerawork, I fast-forwarded the the first werewolf fight. It was the most boring werewolf fight I’ve ever seen. I turned it off.

The Worst Film of 2007:

Transformers – I watched about twenty minutes of Shia LeBouf making terrible jokes and hitting on a 30-year-old woman that was supposed to be a high school senior, and talking jive with his big stupid robot friends. Then the robots started fighting. I fell asleep. I woke up halfway through to see robots still fighting. I fell back asleep. Repeat the last two phases ad infinitum. Then I woke up and watched Optimus Prime give a ridiculous speech about humanity. Then the packed audience behind me cheered. I skipped the credits and walked back to my car, silently praying for death. Now that is a bad movie.

I hate Burton’s recent work so much that I frequently wonder how good he ever was in the first place, or if the amazing visuals in his “classics” were mostly the part of golden-boy production designer Bo Welch. But it all comes back to the fact that he came up with this character. Scissorhands is only my third or fourth favorite Burton film, but it’s his most original by leaps and bounds, and maybe even the most original film ever made. The world of cinema benefits heavily from having Edward Scissorhands living inside of it, a concept so completely bonkers that it makes David Lynch look like Ken Loach, only instead of being randomly surreal, it makes for some rather poetic drama. The movie is absolutely gorgeous throughout, and the performances are almost universally fantastic, mixing camp with legitimate emotion, with Johnny Depp’s angst and depression shining especially bright. Overall, I wish it stayed focused more on Eddie’s story, rather than shoving Winona Ryder in my face and pushing the whole thing into a shell of a fairy tale. The movie is always semi-ruined for me because it’s framed by an old Winona telling the history of snow, as if a man with fucking scissors for hands isn’t enough of a story already. Still, nothing can completely tarnish a movie that has All-Time Classic written on it in such big, pretty letters.

This is the debut feature all other debut features lose sleep over. I mean, damn. It helps to have a fantastic character with years of planning and development already invested into him, with a script by a handful of comic geniuses that sets a tone all to itself and features no shortage of insane characters and hilarious dialogue, but in the end it’s a director’s movie, and Tim Burton goes balls-out nuts. When a movie starts with a full-scale Rube Goldberg sequence and then never slows down, you know you’re in Crazytown, where you’ll find animation, claymation, amazing costumes and sets, and pastiches from every movie genre you can imagine. Pee-Wee is one of the all-time great characters, and this is his ultimate playhouse. Whether he’s rallying troops to find stolen bicycles or warming the hearts of deranged bikers through the power of improvisational dance, he’s one lovable egomanic manchild, and Reubens’ attention to detail is what makes the character and this movie so easy and frequently quotable. It will always be one of the most entertaining and hilarious movies available for human consumption, and it’s a testament to true talent, since Burton and first-time film composter Danny Elfman were so exciting and flawless right out of the gate.

I didn’t expect much from the writer of the Dawn of the Dead remake, which was actually sort of decent but still just so horribly wrong, but Slither is a lot of fun and reintroduces James Gunn as a really interesting dude. There’s been surprisingly few creature features in the past couple decades, and that is a problem that should be fixed. Gunn knows exactly how to do it, creating an intensely complicated mythology and all the requisite rules and regulations – what powers do the creatures have, what forms can they take, how can they be killed, etc. It would be entertaining enough as a straight-ahead sci-fi B-movie, because it’s pretty damn hardcore, but combining it with some old-school small-town humor makes it a whole new level of awesome, with the underrated Nathan Fillion championing the lead role and pulling off some Buster Keaton level deadpans. Supposedly the original script had a lot more to the story and got way more ridiculous, but he decided to include more origin and push the rest off into Slither 2, so it’s really unfortunate that he’ll never get the chance since America didn’t take an interest (further proving that this nation hates fun). It kind of blows because the movie’s short focus is its main drawback, since it pulls back right when things are getting REALLY crazy. Looks like I’ll have to look elsewhere for further doses of Gunn and Fillion. Maybe I’ll even finally check out that shitty-looking Firefly show.

This is far from my favorite Carpenter movie, because the premise is a little too goofy for me and it never really rises above the fact that it’s about pirate-filled smoke, but it has a neat visual palette (pirates look cool, fog looks cool) and the characters seem like they stepped out of an A-grade Spielberg film, because they’re all well-drawn and play off each other in a believably loos, casual way. It’s fun to watch, and Carpenter obviously knows how to handle horror, but his directorial touches don’t completely make up for a slightly stupid idea (which means I can’t even imagine how stupid the remake must be).

Sometimes you go years hearing about a movie, and then it lives up to all the hype when you finally see it. For me, this was not one of those movies. I hope that’s not too big a bowl of sacrelege, because I did generally like the movie. Anthony Hopkins certainly deserves all his praise, and I think Jonathan Demme is a really cool director who pulls off some neat ideas for a basic thriller, but I just couldn’t get past the fact that it really is just… a basic thriller. Take out Hannibal’s twisted humor and bizarre personality, and you’re left with a bunch of cops chasing a standard serial freak while the music cues guide you through the chapters. It has its intense moments, for sure, but it seemed more like a really great TV movie due to its complete lack of interest in taking time away from the action to explore the depths of the situation. After hearing it lauded for practically my whole life, I guess I expected it to have a little more going on upstairs. Still, it was enjoyable enough that I’ll probably get around to checking out the sequels and seeing what that wacky cannibal gets his whiskers in next.

This was a really unexpected surprise, since I didn’t find anything at all to like about the 90s remake, which I now realize took so little from the original plot and style that they could easily have released it under a different name without any fear of copyright infringement. The original Haunting is my favorite type of horror film, an excellent sub-sub-genre that blurs the line between supernatural and psychological horror. I’m always hoping for movies to come along and fuck me up, because most of the ghost stories (and even zombie movies as much as I adore them) do nothing for my stubbornly skeptical, ultra-boring mind. But I’m scared to death of going crazy and thinking there’s ghosts after me. This movie does a great job playing all sides of its die to screw around with the viewer, and I’ll admit it tensed me up a little. Furthermore, the acting and writing is really tight with a nice dark sense of humor. It maybe has some slight lulls, but the deeply developed character relationships and long ponderous conversations are usually as fascinating as the spooky shit. I could see a lot of horror fans not getting behind this one, because it’s really subtle and doesn’t ever pull out much more than creaky door type nonsense, but it’s one of my new favorite horror films.

I’ve been really behind on John Carpenter movies, and I’m having a hell of a lot of fun catching up. This is a prime example of contemporary classic horror, with a cool plot (semi-lifted from The Thing from Another World) that allows for equal amounts of campy, effects-addled gore and spooky, paranoid psychological horror. Kurt Russell is a mecha badass in the lead, sporting one of the most enviable manes of hair I’ve ever seen outside of an epic fantasy flick, but all the actors have as much fun as possible playing the “Am I an evil alien clone or not?” angle. The special effects are fantastic and insanely creative, conjuring up some truly wacky shit that I’m a happier person in my day-to-day life for witnessing. It almost opens up a whole world of cult imagination, if you get into looking at all the storyboards and abandoned art designs, which are all really incredible but couldn’t be pulled off on film. Overall, this was the best Halloween movie I watched this Halloween. It’s fun as hell, shocking and eerie, and it has the best jump-scare I’ve ever seen during the downright splendid blood test scene.

This was high on the list of movies it was just weird I hadn’t seen, but I was never especially interested since I hate ghost stories. In the end, it was about what I expected. I can’t imagine a less scary movie, which is disappointing from the director of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the most truly scary movie I’ve seen, but he does a great job with the visuals and performances, obviously aided by Spielberg’s ultra-keen eye on meticulous story elements and realistic, lightly humorous character relationships. It’s a good movie, and a lot more fun than I expected, but it’s also downright goofy towards the end, and all in all, if it’s supposed to make me as scared of TV static as Jaws makes everyone of the water, then it’s a massive failure. I’ll go to bed with the static on right now. I don’t give a fuck. Poltergeists. Bah.

This is a really tight and attractive thriller that plays it cool without any cheap jump scares, and does a body good by dumping almost all the responsibility in Gregory Peck’s able lap. Richard Donner is a great director, and I can see why this is a classic, but it didn’t unsettle me at all, and it didn’t stick with me much. Maybe, like the Exorcist, it’s my complete inability to connect with the concept, but I do feel like Damien should have been a lot creepier, since this is supposedly the ultimate killer-kid movie. Still, the final stretch of Peck meticulously going through the motions he knows will end in murdering the boy he raised from birth is some righteously twisted badassery.